Things I Find Funny When I Feel Like Crap

In Crib No One Can Hear You Scream




Thanks to Rodger at AreWeLumberjacks?

Why I Love the Internet

Mostly because you can find stuff like the Klavan.....


OMMAG

Little Stretch of the Imagination

F Troop

Yellow Bird Part I
by wwevideo007

lmao and smp

While the Weather's Been Nice

There's a storm coming to this Happy Socialist Paradise!
















Oh ... sorry! Forgot to H/T to Are We Lumberjacks?

OMMAG

Customer Service! !Warning! NSFW...........

Korean Style.....................



OMMAG

April's Fool !!

Next week's cover of Newsweek magazine?

Obama Was Wrong! ......

Hmmmm.....

Backlash from the Left ?

Newsweek?


H/T to USS Neverdock

Well it's either and April's Fool prank or else the backlash is picking up steam!

OMMAG

What Causes Arthritis ?

WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS?

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.

The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, 'Say Father, what causes arthritis?'

The priest replies, 'My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.'

The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I'll be damned,' then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. 'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?'

The drunk answered, 'I don't have it Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.'

Mitchieville ... Always Good for a Chuckle!

What could be more entertaining than to see this little pipsqueak of a man cast in the role of a desperately demented and avaricious outcast?

A creature so transparently facile that it turns the stomach to see and hear it and we must bear the existence of it for the sake of justice and tolerance in our society.


h/t to Mitchieville



Do we really need to take this gollum seriously?
Well considering the fact that it may end up living in the taxpayer funded Stornoway mansion in Ottawa we may well be advised to understand it!
Blue Like You asks and and gets answers....



OMMAG

Just Because It's Friday !

Yeah .... I heard a good Lawyer joke yesterday.

I was putting up a campaign sign in a barbershop. The old guy is 70 and has been in the same place for close to 50 years. He's selling his property and other assets and cleaning up all his financial matters .... even taking old customers to court for unpaid tabs.

Quite the character.


"So!" He asks me ... "Why is you don't give Viagra to a lawyer?"

I'm not sure I want to know but ..... I'll bite. "Why not?" I ask.

"It just makes the prick a bigger stiff!" Says my host with a beaming ear to ear grin.

Har! Old guys eh! Gotta love em.......

OMMAG

A Tale of Two Canadians

(A tale inspired by the prose of Fenris Badwolf and an old joke about a certain separatiste .....)


So as the story goes it was by sheer coincidence that two Canadians were on a Caribbean cruise somewhere in the Caribbean regions where many Canadians like to go to get away from Canada.

It so happened that on this one daily Rum Cruise there was a mighty Caribbean storm that may or may not have been caused by Global Warming or Climate Change or David Suzuki or Al Gore... not that it matters which if any of these things caused the storm anyway.

The upshot of this storm having happened on this particular day was that it surprised the Captain and Crew of the Jolly Bugger (which was the name of the boat that took Canadian tourists on Rum Cruises every day)... the captain and crew being particularly surprised because they just happened to be wasted on magic mushrooms and Zig-Zag which they did not share with the Canadian Tourists and therefore had made pigs of themselves with thus becoming really wasted beyond the capacity to react to a storm.

The result of the Jolly Bugger being caught in the storm was that the boat and the crew and the passengers were all wrecked (as if they were not in the first place) but the wreck ended up on the shore of something like the fabled Island of Gilligan. Although there were no Ginger, no Marianne, nor any professor, skipper, millionaire or his wife. There were no coconut phones or palm tree contraptions. Not even a shitty little leaky hut to get out of the wind, rain or sun.

All there was on this island was one Canadian tourist from Toronto and one from anywhere else in Canada who both had miraculously survived when all others had perished. Truth be told that all the other passengers had discovered the crew's magic mushrooms and Zig-Zag as the crew had panicked and being pigs themselves gorged themselves before the storm eventually killed them all.

And so it went that these two who neither had nor could have anything in common other than an arbitrary designation of being Canadian did not cooperate or get along nor could they stand the sight of each other. In fact the only thing that kept one from murdering the other was the fact that they were both wasted ... from the Rum Cruise and from being wrecked in the sense that having your boat ripped to shreds and all your fellow travelers drowned.

As the days passed they tended to avoid one another and it was merely a matter of coincidence that they bumped into each other at the exact spot where a MAGIC LANTERN was lying in the sand.

Being Canadians and used to living in a fantasy version of life they of course knew immediately what this meant and what they needed to do. And so ....

After the rubbing of the lamp the obligatory Genie of the Lamp appeared and explained to them the rules for wishes that applied to this particular lamp. Being a particularly fair minded Djin the genie explained that because they both had found and rubbed him he would offer them TWO wishes each but not three as is the usual arbitrary number.

And so it went that the Toronto Canadian was quick to grasp at his entitlement and demand to be taken back to his beloved Toronto where all things were bright and beautiful.... and while he was at it that the Djin should make a wall a thousand feet high to keep out all those other ungratefull Canadians who were not from Toronto like this fellow who had been troubling him here on this island ever since the boat wreck.

And so ... the Djin complied!

The less demanding other Canadian who was from someplace other than Toronto waited to be asked what it was that he wished.

And when the Genie inquired .... said: "You know that wall the other guy asked for?" Yes said the Djin.... "Can you fill it with water?"

And so it was that all of Canada other than the part of Canada known as Toronto was delivered their fondest wish by the clever and unselfish act of one Canadian tourist who was not from Toronto.

BTW - he also used his second wish wisely.

OMMAG

Science for Fun and Entertainment

They call it 5 theories that will make your ........
Head Explode ?

Well OK ... although I don't see why a little bit of interpretation and conjecture on how things work should do that.

But apparently it IS possible.....

OMMAG

Black & White on The Grey Matter

A Machosauceproduction:




Mr. Machosauceproduction Himself..... Right Here

OMMAG

With H/Ts to Girl on The Right and DMB

This One's for Larry !

What fresh hell is this then...???















Could this be the worst predicament?






















Many thanks to Rodger Thomas of Are We Lumberjacks ?

The Mockery That is Earth Day!

Where the Green crowd gets full public and political approval for spreading their Bull Shit!

I laughed .... I Wept ....... I certainly could not have heaped more fertilizer or contempt on the whole thing than this :

The People's Cube Puts the correct spin on the whole thing !


Cheers!
OMMAG

Commenters Who Leave a Scent!

Spot the Zombie!

It's becoming kind of interesting to see how some bloggers develop a following.

One that I've been watching since she started is Joanne who used to call herself True Blue but changed just a while ago to Blue Like You!
What I found early on was there seems to be an attraction and an inherent challenge to certain folks in labeling a blog with a Political moniker. Joanne's blog has attracted right from the start a fairly steady string of LIberal and Lefty types who like to come in and offer their POV on any post she puts up. All well and good as far as the promotion of open debate goes and it sure does make for some interesting commentary ! The blog faithful will line up to defend the host and often leap into the fray with attacks on the interlopers. The interlopers may defend their position with justified indignation over unjustified attacks or just reiterate their intended points.
They come they go ... sometimes tiring or getting bored .... sometimes sinking into a morass of insanity and spite that gets them banned..... sometimes reappearing under a new nom de plume....

What makes for a good game is to try to spot the returned from the dead commenter or blogger.
I'm calling this game Spot The Zombie !
And I think I've got one at Joanne's
Blue Like You .... !

Is frequent Commenter Gayle actually the Zombie of Red Tory ... in Drag?

OMMAG

In An Absoulut World !

All Your Laughs Are Ours!
Absolut -ly Hilarious

OMMAG

Just Because It's Friday - Redux

Usually Good for a Laugh....

The real PRAVDA ( as opposed to our homegrown wannabes) !!
Some Highlights :

Russian Science and Economics
A Parade of Russian Douchebags .... mmmmmm ..... soooo sexyyyyyy!

I particularly like the Photo Album

Oh! If you enjoy scathing Reposte' to Lefty Gall (or is it Gaul?) Erik at !NoPasaran! delivers a HEAPING shovel full of mockery to some "Super Frenchie" dufus.
Cheers!
OMMAG

Overheard In a Coffee Shop in the Wee Hours of the Morning!

Most outlandish conspiracy theory ever!

" I overheard the following (much abridged, and cleaned up for family viewing) at a coffee shop this morning. The speaker, holding forth at some volume, did not seem to possess more than one degree from an institute (and not necessarily one of higher learning!) and proclaimed it thusly:

Hillary will fight hard until about a week before the Penn primary, when she will suddenly announce an alliance with Obama on a "unity" ticket, with HRC as VP.

Obama accepts the nomination at the DNC, everyone is sweetness and light. Bill accepts Barack as the son he never had, and promises to work hard to get him elected.

Now, this is where it gets weird (and the easily offended might wish to stop reading here). At this point, frothing slightly more than a cappuccino machine at full blast, the orator insists that HRC's long range plan is to get Obama out on the campaign trail in the certainty that somewhere, sometime, someone who won't accept a n.. er, African-American (his original words, not mine!) as president will put a bullet in him. HRC rises to top of the ticket, and on a wave of sympathy, rides back to the White House.

At this point, he degenerated into various examples such as Vince Foster, Whitewater, Rose Law firm, etc. in reducing degrees of coherency. Not being equipped as Atticus Finch in "To Kill A Mockingbird" to deal with a rabid dog, I left.

What did surprise me was that his audience of 2 men and a woman sat there raptly, apparently enjoying every word of his screed. "

Posted by: KevinB at March 6, 2008 3:20 AM

Found on Small dead Animals this morning...

I don't know! I could believe just about anything when it comes to the Klintons...

Still it would make a great plot for a screenplay!
OMMAG

Wednesday WonderClip!

WOW!

" We've got the BIGGEST Gun We've ever had! "

HooooooHoooooooo......


OMMAG